The Angel Series
Dear warm kind eyes
The longing nostalgia, yet factually foreign yearning, both hugs and tears me at the same time;
As reality is as lonely as uncertainty’s gravity, sucking me into an isolation,
Whose ending follows upon only after the epilogue of my death.
How can I let go, when I still hope for its fruition?
But this hope, o isolated seawall, am I simply hearing the wistful echoes of my heart?
Fear and anger plague me — for the little girl whom wishes to stay.
As I whisper, my narrative echoes into a song,
One whose chorus can only be arranged upon meeting a threshold of narrative completion.
But how can I recognize the peaks whilst the story still continues?
Will this story ever end? Or has it yet to begin?
Musical Accompaniment(s):
~ Lonely Hope (Separate Hearts)
• [Seori] I Wanna Cry — “I want to live more than anyone else”.
• [Brooke Sierra and LALAKI] Separate Hearts
• [HONNE, feat. RM & BEKA] Crying Over You ◐ —
”And I don’t know why I’ve been crying over you; for the life of me, I wish that I knew.
And I don’t know, just how much more I can go through (you’ll find a love when you least expect it, it could be any minute)”.
~ 집 (잘 자/꿈)
• [Aoi Teshima 手嶌 葵] Tadaima ただいま ([CV] Someday I’ll Find My Way Home)
(2019) Serendipitous Blue
(2023) Emotionally Numb
(2022) Whisper of the Heart
Anger — Requiem (Mournful Embrace)
The emotion of anger has been commonly antagonized as an emotion that is bad, villainous, and in an overall sense, negative.
But, similar to the feelings of happiness, joy, and pleasure, anger is but another emotion in its neutral sense.
Like many things in life, the emotion of anger isn’t necessarily bad. Instead, it is more about what you do with that emotion that can become the determining point when understanding the difference between healthy anger versus unjustified, derogatory, and aggressive anger. Oftentimes, the feelings of anger felt are emotional inclinations that suggest to you that something is wrong and unjust (whether having happened in the past or present), consequently becoming an emotion of protective force if recognized and appreciated in a healthy manner. As a result, it is important not to shame yourself for feeling angry as it is not an ‘ugly’ emotion. It is instead just another internal instinct and reaction that coexists alongside your other emotions as they work together to become the overall being that is you (emotion is a spectrum, not mutually exclusive groupings). If you are unsure as to why you are angry at a particular point in time, it is important to give yourself the time to understand your thoughts and feelings with love and patience before acting out as doing so can oftentimes help you find the root cause of the issue. Not only can this help promote a healthier relationship between you and your loved ones, this practice can also help create a healthier relationship and understanding within yourself as you can better facilitate the connection of your external condition and reactions with that of your internal state of mind. While it is important to not be blindly controlled by your anger, it is equally as important to not suppress and push your anger down as all your emotions and feelings are important and deserve to be felt.
Musical Accompaniment(s):
~ Part 1: Anger (Pleading Grief)
• [JAE KIM] Love Kills — “… don’t love the wrong me. Take some time to see, get to know the real me”.
• [Chris James] Not Angry — “‘Cause I wanna be better than I was before, but I can’t do it if we don’t mature”.
• [Mokita] colorblind ([Milky Day feat. Sway Bleu] Blur)
• [Nlve] Tired
• [BOL4 볼빨간사춘기] To My Youth 나의 사춘기에게—
“But still, maybe I could be a bright light in this world. Maybe after all of that pain, I could shine a light even if it’s short.
So I couldn’t give up, the me that couldn’t fall asleep peacefully for a single night.
Because if I keep trying to stand up like this, I might be able to find myself”.
~ Part 2: Anger (Lonely Independence) ← “I am the butterfly”
• [John Rzenik] I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme) —
“And how can the world want me to change?; they’re the ones that stay the same. They can’t see me, but I’m still here”.
• [Beyoncé] Listen
• [Gatton] Denim —
“A delusional blend of safety and risk … and these clothes don’t give as much as they take.
What can I do when I don’t know who I am beyond who I’ve been with all of you?”
~ [Epilogue] In retrospect
• [VOICES FROM MARS] Mother — “Mother, you’re the love we need” (我的妈妈/和爸爸 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ ♥︎)
(2022) Part 1: Anger (Pleading Grief)
(2022) Part 2: Anger (Lonely Independence)
Garden of Gratitude - Summer 2020/21
Flowers, while adorning the world with color and fragrance, can debatably be described as having no direct functionality within our human lives and perspective. But despite having a lack of material purpose, flowers still hold a precious place in our hearts, whether as a symbol to mark a special occasion such as a bouquet in a wedding, or as the focus of culturally traditional customs, such as the act of flower viewing in Japan (花見, Hanami, Flower Viewing). Consequently, while flowers are not considered necessities for a human’s life, they surely help in adorning our lives and our experience on Earth with joy and beauty.
In this piece, I have created my own flower garden with symbolizations that reflect what, or in this case who, truly provided my life with color and joy during my personal times of dejection and stress. Having myself be personified as the insects within the piece shows that to truly survive and live a happy and fulfilling life, the significance of my loved ones around me cannot be questioned and is irreplaceable as I as the insects need the nectar of the flowers to survive. The piece is drawn in black and white as despite having the piece be inspired by the notion of flowers, this Garden of Gratitude is ‘my’ Garden of Gratitude. This means that while the flowers are monochromatic and are ambiguously represented due to their lack of color, they are in my perspective saturated with the brightest and richest of colors as the hues and color vibrancies that I associate with all my loved ones cannot be represented with only one color of the color wheel (the color interpretation of the monochromatic lines are endless - rainbow interpretation).
But despite being a garden to signify my love and appreciation for my people of significance, included within the middle of the composition is myself, consequently showcasing the importance of self-love and my journey towards it. Choosing to surround yourself with those that help your own personal gardens flourish, while not a necessity like that of water, light, and shelter, can truly help you appreciate your life and all of its beauty - this ugly yet beautiful world.
(2021) Garden of Gratitude - Summer 2020/21
In Search of Heartfelt Freedom (Misty Mornings)
When we were born on this Earth, we were born light. As babies, we were able to cry in a carefree and untroubled manner as it is a natural and celebrated sign of life. But overtime, our identities become heavy and our emotions become repressed. As life goes on and our experiences accumulate, we find more and more reasons to justify why we should restrain our emotions. These justifications can come in the form of trying to preserve oneself, or it can be the unconscious effort of disassociating from our emotions (because to not feel can be a safer and more stable option when compared to unpredictable and ungovernable emotions). But as much as we repress our ‘negative’ emotions, this also means the simultaneous repression of our ‘positive’ emotions. This is because our emotions are not independent and do not come mutually exclusive of one another.
In light of this, I hope that you will one day be able to revert back to that carefree and raw emotional state that you experienced as a baby, and consequently feel free and light from the bottom of your heart once again. Your feelings, in all of its various forms, are valid and deserve to be felt. No matter you who you love and who loves you, nobody will ever experience and feel the same emotions that you felt, much like how you will never experience the same emotions that others feel in their entirety. There is so much beauty and preciousness to our own individual identities, so enjoy yourself! Let go and find the strength to feel, because that is the beauty and privilege of you being you.
(2021) In Search of Heartfelt Freedom (Misty Mornings)