The New Beginning (我)
As a perfectionist with avoidant tendencies, I hope to remember that the discomforts I feel when trying new and unfamiliar things is normal. However, I also need to remember that I’ve wanted the things that I want for a while now. They have been consistent for many, many years — because I never took explicit action to fulfill and satisfy them directly.

Over the years, I have learnt that if I never try, then I’ll always yearn. If I never try, I will never be able to move on properly — irrespective of whether those wants come true or not. I will always stay stagnant in this energy of yearning from a distance, unless I am first honest with my desires, which therefore allows me to acknowledge, address, and try my best to manifest those desires accordingly (using up the energy that I have placed towards that particular want, thereby allowing the want to process itself naturally overtime).

Going forwards, I remind myself to work towards achieving my dreams without judgement of the journey and process, and without feeling the need to rationalize what I want — because if I want it, then I want it. I hope to learn more about what I want, to have the courage to pursue those wants, and to eventually be able to create new dreams along the way as well (to increasingly grow and cumulatively build up the life I want to live, one step at a time). As someone who often dissociates, I will work towards creating a life in the material that is my fantasy — meaning there will be nothing to dissociate away from anymore (to fall more and more in love with my life, and therefore, me). I will forever be grateful to myself for putting me, and my happiness, first.

At the end of this lifetime, I wish to reflect back on my identity as Justine Ho and feel bittersweet. Bittersweet at how it was such as great life — one that I sincerely loved living, and one that I feel genuinely sad to leave. The people I have loved, the happiness and sadness I have felt, as well as all the decisions I have made — I wish to live authentically (as, and for, me).

Thank you in advance (to myself).

• [Midnight Teddy] Mine Is Yours — Spotify link
• [Lauv] Breathe — Spotify link