The New Beginning (我)
As a perfectionist with avoidant tendencies, the discomforts I feel when trying new and unfamiliar things is normal. However, I need to remember that I’ve wanted these things for a while now (they have been consistent for many, many years — because I never took explicit action to fulfill them directly).

Over the years, I have learnt that if I never try, then I’ll always yearn. If I never try, I will never be able to move on properly — irrespective of whether those yearnings come true or not. I will always return back to this stage of yearning from a distance unless I am first honest with my desires, thereby allowing me to address those desires properly.

Going forward, I will work towards achieving my dreams without judgement of the journey and process, so that I can learn more about what I want, and therefore create new dreams along the way as well (to grow and move on). As someone who often dissociates, I will work towards creating a life in the material that is my fantasy — meaning there will be nothing to dissociate away from anymore (to fall more and more in love with my life, and therefore, me). I will forever be grateful to myself for putting me, and my happiness, first.

At the end of this lifetime, I wish to reflect back on my identity as Justine Ho and feel bittersweet. Bittersweet at how it was such as great life — one that I sincerely loved living, and one that I feel genuinely sad to leave. The people I have loved, the happiness and sadness I have felt, as well as all the decisions I have made — I wish to live authentically (as, and for, me).

Thank you in advance (to myself).

• [Midnight Teddy] Mine Is Yours — Spotify link
• [Lauv] Breathe — Spotify link